How To Have a Nice Holiday
15 August, 2006Location: Dalsland lake system, Sweden
Duration: about two weeks
Expense: less than you thought
Some important outcomes: relaxation and fitness, inability to use keyboards
So there are people who claim one can spend a most beautiful holiday in Sweden and you have always wondered how and where? And anyway, isn’t Sweden one of those terribly expensive countries? It isn’t. And yes, a holiday there can be a pure bliss.
And here is how it can be done.
SCENARIO ONE:
You pack some of your favourite outdoor clothes to take with you. You arrive somewhere in Dalsland sometime in Juli/August/early September and hire a canoe, a tent and some other necessary equipment at a Kanotuthyrning in Gustavsfors, Bengtsfors, Åmål or others. You also buy your provisions there – if you haven’t brought any with you, that is. Or even if you have – in the end, Swedish instant soups will turn out to be really delicious/inevitable. And always remember: Don’t buy Swedish beer. Ever.
You are going to live according to The Right of Public Access to the Wilderness (Allemansrätten), which allows you many things – among others, you are free to put up your tent in most places (of course you have checked your corresponding rights and duties beforehand and will use all those generously bestowed rights responsibly). You may even want to obtain the Nature Conservation Card (Naturvårdskort) – it will allow you to stay at special campsites (EU-financed, by the way) including real luxuries like an eco-toilet, a wooden shelter and a fireplace with some pieces of wood waiting for you. Price? As it has been claimed before: negligible. For 20 SEK per person/per day, you will help protect the nature. And you will love doing it.
So, grip your paddle and go! Go! Go!
And don’t return for 13 days.
SCENARIO TWO:
Pack some of your favourite outdoor clothes to take with you. Don’t forget a bikini, a hat and your sunglasses. It can get quite hot sitting in a boat during a warm weather spell.
Put your folding kayak, tent, sleeping bags, mats, provisions, clothes etc. into the car. Try to close the car boot/trunk carefully.
Drive all the way to Vammerviken, Sweden, and spend a night or two in your tent at the campsite there. This way, you will inauspiciously become accustomed to the lack of solid walls, of doors, of bed, mattress, proper pillow and many other things in quite civilised surroundings.
Assemble you boat, pack your things, grip your paddle and go. Go and disappear for 11 days in Dalsland canal, paddling 4-5 hours a day (it usually amounts to 20 kilometres in distance), sleeping in your tent on all those lovely islands, peninsulas and whatnots, eating blueberries and Swedish instant soups and hoping every day that you will see an elk/a moose. Or two. Or even more. Go swimming every time you don’t feel like paddling. Be happy, enjoy yourself and love doing it.
Upon your return to Vammerviken, go and buy some chips/crisps and beer in Årjäng. Sitting on a proper chair, a thing you haven’t done for 11 days, discuss the fact that there are no elks in Sweden. That there exist some elaborate, furry devices in the zoos and parks to delude the tourists, but there are no Kings of the Swedish Forest in The Great Outdoors. That all those elk-formed, furry mechanical devices in the zoos are there to help promote the sales of elk/moose souvenirs.
A good trick, you think. You decide to try to invent a similar gadget upon your return. The problem is, you don’t want to return. Anywhere. Actually, you’ve just arrived.
(click to enlarge)
Alcessa,
Sounds like a fabulous escape. Those pictures were taken when all of the people had deserted the campsite and lake, I presume, since not a soul was visible. That’s the kind of campsites I enjoy! No people!
A few questions:
1) I’ve seen elk and moose in Canada and in Grand Tetons National Park (in Wyoming). Even a coyote, wolf, and bobcat. I never wore a bikini when I saw them. You mentioned that a bikini was necessary for your trip. Not that I’m suggesting that you probably don’t look good in one (in fact, you probable look great), but, would you consider that wearing a bikini while galloping and rowing arond Sweden may have decreased your chance of spying an elk or moose? Just wondering.
2) This 4-5 hours of rowing thing? Did you and your spouse do this everyday or did you hire some Swedish-type folks, you know, blonde and musclebound, to do the rowing while the two of you were busy trying to spot an elk or moose in bikinis? I mean, you in the bikinis, they (they, being the moose and the elk) in the buff. Again, just wondering.
3) That one picture of the fire encased by a silvery metal/paper contraption? Was that for cooking of food or demonstrating of one’s firemaking skills? It looks impressive, whatever the reason. Myself, I probably would have either burned down half the campground or the small island and been forced to eat grubs, leaves, and my bikini.
Thanks for the trip diary!
Darko,
you’re right, there weren’t too many people there and those who were didn’t really care about their campsite neighbours. But most of them did gather around fireplaces in the evening, laughing and making all kinds of mischief, so all those wise elks had to stay in their shelters…
But now to your questions.
Actually, let me ask you a question: by claiming you’ve seen an elk and moose - do you mean a European elk and American moose?
You… you NEVER WORE A BIKINI?!?!? Does that mean you didn’t know men wear bikinis, too?!? Erm… because of the sun? And because Speedos are considered totally out of fashion, in the Old World?! Well high time to update your wardrobe, I’d say.
1) Why elks should be bikini-shy, I wonder. On the other hand, my husband did not say ANYTHING when I asked him whether he thought my bikini was OK.
What does that mean - that when husbands don’t say anything, they have actually said something?
2) Oh, we turned into Swedish hulks ourselves. It’s quit nice to be blond for a change.
3) That’s fire protection, yes. So you do have a bikini!
The wisest of husbands is the one who maintains his vow of silence the longest.
It is a well known fact that as husbands (and you can confirm this with your thoughful husband), our minds are taken up with thoughts of our lovely wife 95% of the time. The other 5% of the time we’re thinking why we’re not spending 100% of our time doing that activity. How a married man ever gets anything done is a mystery to us all.
Alcessa,
..and about that elk. Sorry, I wasn;t abel to check its passport so I’m not sure if it was an American or Canadian (or European, who knows? flights have been cheap to the states; you never know when European elk decide to visit their cousins). But this picture should give you an idea. As you can see, no bikinis, no Speedos on these elk. They seem to like running around au natural.
It would seem you’re right and I have married a very wise guy. I still don’t get any work done, but it must be because of all the excessive blogging.
The European/American distinction I meant is well described in Wikipedia:
Elk may refer to a number of species of large deer:
* The name originates with Alces alces, the largest extant deer species, called elk in Europe and moose in North America.
* In North America it refers to Cervus elaphus, which is called a red deer in Europe, and a maral in Asia. The various North American subspecies are also called wapiti.
I’m sometimes trying to use British and American expressions simultaneously, if I know them. So I basically meant Alces Alces all the time. But I don’t want to bore you with zoology.
So, have you bought a bikini yet?
No bikini comment continuation.
Just a short story on seeing American Elk) (wapiti, I guess).
The family and some friends were packed into a station wagon heading out at sunset from Jackson Hole, Wyoming one late summer’s evening. We were driving back to a lodge we were staying at close to the Grand Tetons National Park (Les Grand Tetons were going topless that whole summer! It was a summer before the Bush administration with all their conservatism took over).
The night was approaching, the road was deserted, a clam breeze blew through our open windows. All of a sudden I felt the ground shaking and a shaking sound reverberated through the car. I looked over to my right and saw something approaching us on the shoulder of the road. Fast. I slowed down and we all looked our dise windows. A herd of American elk grazed by the car; within 2 meters of us. One or two of the 20 or so elk gave us a look. No fear. No concern. They then tailed off into the fields to our right, where they stopped, turned their collective heads around, and then started grazing. We stopped and just took breaths of the faintly musky smell they leaft behind us.
Thank you. Very much.
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I hope you enjoyed Sweden as much as I enjoyed reading your hilarious description o our country.
Jimmy
Jimmy, yes of course, we did, and thank you. It is a most beautiful and inspiring country. Guess where we are going to spend our next summer holiday?
But there is one thing I tend to miss: elks (moose). Where do you hide them?
[...] why no moose in zoos: ALAS - I’d love to know that, too. All I have is a(n) (in)credible theory. [...]