Category Archives: FRAK

The Times, They Aren’t a-Changin. Alas.

Sometimes I just do it: I assume all my troubles started in the Neolithic period.

You see, this was a time when people sat down and liked it. So they thought “Oh, I could get used to sitting here every day”, which is why they invented farming, domesticated animals and settled in permanent places. Jep, I blame it all on the Neolithic Revolution.

Life wasn’t a piece of cake back then, it is known. Apart from the troubles that simply went along and settled down, too, there were many new problems to deal with: diets with loads of unhealthy carbohydrates, increased body fat, rapid spreading of diseases … you know, the stuff our life is made of.

While your average scientist would probably hang me for simply stating this, as it is a highly controversial topic, I assume people in those Neolithic villages, towns and cities soon became very modern and started to have eyes only for their neighbors. And if those neighbors had a better hut, a sharper knife or a larger piss pot, they caused one to feel all kinds of strange and unpleasant feelings. In short, I am assuming here people soon concentrated on other people and nothing has been the same ever since. Nor better, if you ask me.

I could sit here writing for years to let you know what exactly makes me dislike the general fact that people tend to be only/mostly interested in their own status as compared to other people, but I just don’t care, do you?

Maybe a hint will do: when life on our planet requires us to concentrate on hard facts, we better do it, hard and fast and most of all, without checking our own status every second of it. This ability to deal with things other than Me and My Neighbors is something that one acquires during a process known as Growing up. Or should – this is what our planet is for.

The reason I am telling you about my Neolithic belief is this article about Brian Cox saying if Earth is lost, our galaxy would lose its meaning. Because my first reaction upon reading it was “Well, be better next time you coincidentally produce meaning, Galaxy. Make sure it does not litter you and spend its time navel-gazing.”


On time. In time. Timely.

Whatever the word, it is here again. Same procedure as every year.

My Jahresendmüdigkeit. That is: end-of-the-year-tiredness. It appears more or less in October and has run its course by January. Pity I cannot afford to leave it all and take a break right now.

I say this every year, too.

Of course I am old enough to resort to truthiness from time to time: “A house that needs renovation (aka a doer-upper) is actually perfect. In the end, we decide how it turns out and need not live only with other people’s decisions.” Yeah. True dat. It’s just … we both work a lot, have free time issues as a consequence and are not experienced “upper-doers”, only eager learners in general. So yes, it is a great feeling to put in a new floor by way of Youtube-schooling for the very first time, but there are many floors and many doors and many gates and rails and vital things here that need an overhaul and that great feeling of having done it soon gets replaced by the OK-next-dread. That and also: chemical burns on hands are actually bad for freelance translators.

(been here, done that and hurt myself with a stripping agent, because I can actually translate “use appropriate protective gloves” into a few languages but cannot actually do it when necessary)

So while I still really love the idea we get to create our own living space, I am also quite impatient to have it all done, sit down and read a book in a cozy, personal environment that does not need me that much anymore.

OK, so what’s next. The ugly stairs covered in Pukey I guess.


Wry Wednesday Moosings

Yes, I am an old person: I roll my eyes and shake my head and curl my lips sarcastically on the inside (don’t ask) at some behaviors. I very well earned the right to do so. So did you, I guess.

Most often, a version of “Damn it all, alcessa, why are you such a…person? It isn’t as though you could afford to be” (Hilary Mantel, modified) is thrown at my head and I always have to stifle the urge to shake it. The head. You see, everyone’s a person. We are all made of genetic, learned and … I don’t know: ignored, well-loved, diligently acquired … behavior modules and I assume every one of us is simply made of a different combination of these.

Of course, all those people shaking their heads at a certain kind of person simply want other people to be more like them, summertime, and living is easy, and so on. Sometimes I wonder whether they would really like their true copies in their vicinity. Maybe that would be a good lesson?

Anyway, this is such a boring shit. Pretending everyone else’s guilt for one’s own Angst.


Tough Thing, This

For a few seconds, I feel queasy. What have I done? I should have done my information work before deciding to come here, regardless of the relative emergency of it all!

The dentist seems to have no shame: “So your teeth is healthy and that’s a good thing, right?!?” He sounds angry. “But it’s not good for me!” He sprays water all over my shirt and I wonder whether he might damage one of my healthy teeth to earn more money with this damn alien. An Ex-Yugoslav with healthy teeth, don’t tell me this is a thing now!

I am actually too stunned to react to this, what with my mouth open and my shirt sprinkled all over with the contents of my mouth, but I do manage to listen carefully after the ordeal, when he suggests a larger treatment he himself has said the month before would be necessary only later, if certain conditions occurred. “But you said last time we should wait till it is necessary,” I stammer and he looks even angrier by the minute. Without explicitly saying so, I get thrown out: “Well. Then this is all!” He glares at me, burning hatred holes in my back while I am hastily leaving the room.

Afterwards, I need a few days to process this crazy shit.


Winter Stress Test. Hm.

It certainly sounded like a high. A weathergasm par excellence: “It will be very, very, very cold. There will be much snow, as much as 40 cm are possible. And let us not forget the wind: there will be very, very strong gusts of cold, cold wind, causing very high snow banks in places. And it will get even colder, even windier and even snowier.”

Something like that.

I am OK with some real winter – haven’t had one in ages and tend to like it. We are now happy owners of a snow shovel, we have enough wood, rags and food in the house, should things go awry, and what’s wrong with a lot of snow? I mean, I practically spent all my winters outside playing in the snow as a child and loved all of them a lot.

Turns out a lot can go wrong.

Turns out our Northern Abode isn’t really ready for real winters yet.

First, we had ice inside the entrance door. OK, so we need to weatherstrip our door and renew the weatherstripping on most of the windows. Will do. For now, I can just scratch away the ice. OK.

Which was when water started pouring down the wooden beams of our lovely winter garden. What the?!?!?

Turned out the snow in the rainwater gutter had frozen and the thawing snow beneath it was trapped, so it took flight the only way it could. Into our winter garden. As there is no way anyone can drop by right now to save us from this Niagara situation, we’ve been using and emptying big plastic boxes and wiping, wiping, wiping. Luckily, I am too tight-fisted to throw away old towels, sheets or even unused freezer boxes, which is why the situation went from chaotic downpours to channeled currents very soon.

Hm.


Auf jeden Fall!

“Ich denke, ein Urlaub muss unbedingt her, dieses Jahr. So ein echter, ordnungsgemäßer, der dafür sorgt, dass es uns danach eine Woche oder zwei besser geht.”

“Und wie stellst du dir das vor?”

“So wie 2019? Wir schlafen zu Hause und toben uns in der Natur aus, jeden Tag? Nur dass wir hier nicht wandern, sondern paddeln gehen? Flüsse gäbe es ja genug.”

“Hmmm.”

“Zumindest können wir schon jetzt darüber nachdenken. Könnte ja auch Erholung bringen.”


Čist mim

Osebnost, s katero se brez težav neposredno identificiram in ki torej predstavlja pripoved mene o meni, je: precej pridna in skrbna, radovedna, malce ekscentrična, nekulska, čedalje bolj introvertirana, s presežkom zanimanja za vsebine in podsežkom zanimanja za status.

Zakaj za krščenga kosmatga potem zadnje čase sanjarim samo še o ugodju? Dolgo spanje, gladke rjuhe, nežna volnena oblačila, skodelice kave, knjige na kavču, dobra muska, požirček ta dobrega, sonce, prosti čas, prosti čas, prosti čas.

Kdaj točno se je v mojo samopripovedovano avtobiografijo prikradla laž in kaj je njeno bistvo? Pridna in prizadevna losulja ali hrepenenje po ničdelju in preimetju?

A se sploh moram odločiti ali mi bo odločitev odvzel kar lajf sam? Najbrž.


Hairy Tales

“Obviously, I quite envy you,” I decide to be honest. “I wish I had hair like that.”

As my husband doesn’t know what to do with this bit of honesty, I don’t elaborate. I also cannot help him: while I have cut my hair for most of my life, I have never done short hair and would not want to start learning now, just in case.

“Maybe George Clooney can help? Surely he’s not selling coffee right now?”


Früh sorgt sich.

Aha. Korkenzieherhaselnuss. Kartoffelrose. Alpenrose. Lebensbaumhecke. Harlekinweide. Schilfrohr. Bienenweide.

Was haben wir getan?
Ich meine: Wie soll das alles überleben, wenn ich noch nie einen Garten hatte?

Als erstes mache ich das, was ich immer mache: im Internet suchen.
Als nächstes folgen die Notizen.

Und die Pflanzen, die sich nicht an meine Notizen halten, werden durch bravere ersetzt.

So einfach ist das natürlich nicht.

Aber ich lerne gern.

Und wir haben erst Januar.


I have done it.

So I went to my client’s event and loved it. Every minute of it.

But the way there …

It all started at home, of course.

My two-weeks-ago-carefully-put-together outfit fell out due to one fact I had ignored when doing the sartorial maths. Luckily, I conjured the next outfit on the spot, as you would, and I still had enough time to check it out. Unluckily, the second outfit wasn’t good enough, either. I did tell you I had nothing to wear?!?!

Like in a fairy tale, it was the third outfit, born out of necessity (aka 5 minutes to go) that was good enough and made me feel well, so off I went.

Only to find myself in an old train half an hour later, wondering whether the 3 guys next to me were going to drink all that beer and what the strap of my brand new bag was doing down there. They didn’t, they were rather nice while sipping their beer, and the strap had gotten somehow detached from the bag – without my help.That something like this should happen!

So now what? What now so? Now what so?

Ahhh, my brain cell went, you have some safety pins in your kaputted bag – use them. So I did. The bag lasted till I made the first few steps in the small town I had been headed to.

Do you know Karstadt? It’s one of those warehouses that are going to be abolished because we all shop cheap things online these days (like bags). Anyway, there was a Karstadt near the venue I was headed for and they sold me a most lovely bag within minutes, made all the sympathetic noises while I told them about my stupid old bag, didn’t wince when I used their surfaces to empty the old bag and fill the new one and wished me a nice evening.

I threw away the old bag, what else and had myself a nice evening.